Like a When You Get Punched in the Nose

Have you ever been punched in the nose before?  I have many times in karate; you can't help but cry- your eyes water and you try to stop but you can't.

Well at church on Sunday I got punched in the nose....well kind of.  There was a video clip  of an elderly woman going through a box of memories.  There were all of these sweet memories of like when she got married and when they bought their first house, then one of her memories was being at the doctor office, in the clip it cuts to a picture of a sonogram and a lady saying "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat".  A phrase I have heard too many times and in a split second I was trying to fight back tears but just like getting punched in the nose I couldn't stop it.  Luckily, I had tissues with me so was able to hide it a bit but it took a while for my emotions to calm down.  In fact, it took 5 hours after church to even bring it up.  Of course, Brad noticed it at church but it's not the type of thing that's fun to talk about. 

Prior to Sunday I really thought I was over the emotional breakdown part but what I realized was it still hurts as bad today as it did every time I heard " I'm sorry there is no heartbeat".  What I have done better at is protecting myself; I give myself a little pep talk before talking to someone who just got pregnant or just had a baby.  I try to avoid situations or conversations that will make me feel sad. I guess all of this is just a band-aide but it helps.  So I will continue to protect myself and hope my church doesn't spring anything like that on me again,ha:) !

just a little bragging

Part of my new year's goals and resolution was to travel and feel emotionally and physically stronger.  Well I just wanted to brag and give a little one month in report.  Physically, I am feeling so much stronger; I am doing things I never thought I could.  For example, I can now do a handstand- its against the wall but still I can do it!  This is a huge accomplishment since the first time I tried to do it I fell on my head twice, ha!  Today, not only did I get up multiple times but I was able to hold it for 30 seconds.  Emotionally, I over came a fear and took a handgun class- I learned how to shoot and was actually not bad. I still have a ways to go but again it was something I never thought I would do.  Next and probably most importantly I have kept up with my bible reading plan.  Finally, on the travel part, I already have 4 vacations scheduled this year and all occur before August.  After feeling like I lived 2011 and 2012 in hibernation 2013 is shaping up to be a pretty good year!