Diagnosis

I finally received my blood work results.  The good news is most of it came back normal- I do not have  lupus or some serious thyroid problem but the one test that was not normal was the anti-phospholipid.  I am not 100% sure what all that means but from what I can find on Google it is an auto immune disorder that causes blood clotting.  The odd thing I was told I was tested for blood clotting after my 2nd miscarriage, but maybe there are many things that can cause blood clotting- who knows?!?  The nurse I spoke with today did confirm that having this disorder can cause miscarriages.  I have an appointment next week with the doctor to go over the results and develop a plan to get me a baby :)

Good website on my diagnosis that it explains it better than I can:

http://www.apsfa.org/aps.htm

On the adoption front, we are still waiting/praying for the call.

August 30th 2012

Today would have been the birth day of my 2nd baby.  Ironically, instead of giving birth I will find out if I can or should get pregnant again.  Oddly enough I am not as depressed as I thought I would be.  Instead I am  anxious for the letter to arrive from my doctor- via snail mail he is very old school- and keep running through a thousand scenarios in my head of what he will say.  I have accepted that my pregnancy story will never be a short, easy and wonderful one but it will be my story and once we have a little one around I am sure all the pain I have been through the last 2 years will be worth it.

Feeling like myself again

I am on my 2nd week of a detox.  This detox is pretty simple, basically you just can't eat breads, sugars, dairy, and nuts.  You drink a shake in the morning that helps "cleanse" your system and by doing all of this your hormone levels get back on track, you feel better, and look better.  I have done this detox many times but honestly I cheat on it sometimes. I figure a glass of wine now and then doesn't hurt....wine comes from grapes, right? HA! Ironically, I did this detox before two of my pregnancies- is that one of the things that help me get pregnant?  Who knows!?!  It is just another piece in my infertility story.   When I am pregnant I am worried if I work out too hard I will overheat and hurt the baby and while I am not pregnant I am working out, dieting, and stressing about my weight, meanwhile mad at myself for wasting months out of the gym for what ended up being nothing..... I have never been one of those people that could eat anything they wanted- I used to get so irritated that a certain best friend of mine could eat anything she wanted and lose weight while if I ate the same I would gain 5lbs immediately.  Everybody is different and every BODY is different- that is so much more true to me now.

This time I am sticking to the detox pretty hard core and I have noticed I am beginning to look a little thinner, feel better and have more energy.  It is really amazing how much better I feel when I don't eat processed foods....even though I love them so!  Cookies, ice cream, bread- yum!! I finally decided to read a book Brad has had for a long time The Paleo Solution.  I have only read the first few chapters so far but already I am in shock and feel like he is talking about parts of my life.  I had my gallbladder removed and I am being tested for immune system disorders- the same problems he discusses.  I feel like that commercial with the donuts and soccer practice is so true- you are what you eat.  If I eat a whole bunch of chemically altered food- basically poisoned food- then I should not be surprised my body is being affected by it and reacting. Would I drink poison? Obviously no, so why do I do eat food that contains poison- oh yeah because it taste so good. I am not saying I will never eat bread, cookies or cheese again but it sure will make we think twice before taking a bite!

I am really starting to feel like myself again.  I don't know if it is the detox,  just the fact that time has passed since my miscarriages and grandma's funeral, or the fact that I have actually gone a month without anything serious happening but it feels so good! I am happier and don't feel like just sleeping all the time.  I am at a place right now where I almost dread starting the "TTC" process again and even more dread finding out my results from my blood work.  Will my world get rocked again by being told the results?  Will nothing be wrong and therefore I am just back where I was 9 months ago?  When I am trying to get pregnant or when I am pregnant I tend to be an emotional and obsessive basket case- I hate it- so I guess avoiding the process has been in a way, good for me. But, there will be no more avoiding after this week, I am just praying that the blood work shows minor- fixable- problems.  I know God has a plan.....I just kind of wish I knew what it was:)
  
 Detox information: 21 day Body Makeover

Stand Still

Okay, just wanted to give a little update on the adoption process.  Evidently, the birth mom has cut off communication with the agency.  This happens sometimes but they are pretty sure that she will pop up again soon.  Meanwhile, they will continue to show our book to others moms if needed. 
As far as fertility stuff goes, I am still waiting to hear back on my blood work.  Hopefully I will hear something next week!
Happy Friday!!

More Blood Work

Today I went in to get a pregnancy loss panel done- bascially a lot of blood work.  They took 10 tubes of blood, I'm surprised I didn't pass out , ha ha.   Through this blood test they are going to check to see if I have  over-activity in my immune system which basically means checking to see if my body attacks the pregnancy.   I should have the results back in about 2 weeks and from there plan out the next steps.  There is a part of me that wants something to come back so I can have a reason as to why I have miscarried but on the other hand I really don't want to have any major problems.

Here is a list of type of test they are running and what it is checking for:
APA
ANA
ATA
LA
APPT
PT
ETA- don't know
Igg,M,A
Nka
RIPh- don't know

As far as adoption, we are still waiting to hear back from the adoption agency.  I guess at this point no news is good news.

Adoption Update

Talked to our agency today and the birth mom is still trying to make a decision.  I can only imagine the stress she is under.  We will just keep praying!  I know if it is meant to be it will be!