Our Allie

Tonight around 9pm the birth mother relinquished her rights making Brad and I Allie's parents.

We are so overwhelmed with joy and I am pretty sure I cried for an hour straight! A three year journey that started in December 2010 has the most happiest of endings.  I give God all the glory on this....I know it was without a doubt all part of his perfect plan.  So many little things happened leading up to this which once I get  few more hours of sleep I will write:)

I will be praying for the birth mother.  She made such an unselfish and courageous decision.  I hope over time she finds peace with her decision and realizes in spite of her pain she has made so many people happy.  I can't imagine the pain she must be feeling.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Allie Shiloh Holdbrook

Sunday Brad and I had our typically day.  We went to church, ran some errands and went grocery shopping then went home to watch.....football.  I ALWAYS have my phone by me but I guess a day of running around made me tired so I took a nap and left my cell phone in my purse.  At 5pm Brad noticed a text from our agency it said the BM was in labor!!  I looked and sure enough she had called me one hour ago.  Luckily, we just through on shoes and drove there so fast we are pretty sure we broke some laws, ha!  We go there right after she had the epidural so Brad and I got to be in the deliver room and see her enter this world.  It was the most amazing experience...I even got to cut the umbilical Brad could have but he was about to pass out the doctor made him sit down, ha ha ha!

Allie was born 7:08pm weighing 6lbs 4 oz 19" long.  She is just the most adorable little girl I have ever seen.  Our lives have changed so much already.  The BM has allowed us to keep her through both the nights and really have her most of the day!  All of the nurses and doctors have been so great too.

Tonight around 7pm the adoption will hopefully be finalized.  Today will be a very long day while we wait for discharge and the BM to relinquish rights.  The BM has been so strong and sweet to us..... I love her almost as much as I love Allie. 

It is already so hard to leave her even for a few minutes.

Brad and I feel so blessed to have her in our lives and for all of our AMAZING friends and family that have helped us out so much.  Getting the house ready, bringing baby "supplies" and praying!  

Please pray for today to go well.  For BM to stay strong in her decision to adopt.  I will post more once it all finalized.

My love bug and answered prayer

Test Results and Sono

Thursday we went in for the BM's sono.  From what they could see everything looked nice and normal!  I got to stay in the sono room and see everything as the tech pointed out the face, heart, stomach.  Her little face was adorable!! The estimated weight is about 6lbs 3oz.  The baby's legs were still crossed so we still don't 100% know if it is a girl but we are going with girl until she comes out a boy, ha!  After the sono the technician gave her 3 pictures of the baby, the BM immediately asked the technician to cut one off.  The tech did and the BM handed it to me.  It was soooo sweet that I almost started crying but the BM said to save all of the tears until the baby arrives, ha! 

Friday, we went for her follow up with OB.  There is nothing really big to report except we didn't have to wait that long and all of her test came back NEGATIVE!!  Praise God!  I also got to meet her oldest son, who is so adorable and sweet.  He knew I was the lady that was getting the baby and really was just a sweet kid- sweet much like his mom.

I am still cautiously excited but everything is looking positive!  She is about 35weeks and dilated to a one so hopefully in the next few weeks we will have a baby!!!  Brad and I can't agree on any names so luckily we still have a few weeks to keep discussing that, ha!

Thank you all for your prayers and supports!  Since she still doesn't want to take any iron supplements or folic acid please just keep praying for the baby's health.

Another long day at the Hospital

Today at 9:30am I went with the birthmother to Parkland's Irving clinic for a full OB exam.  I got home at 5:30pm.  It was a very long day (again) but I think successful.  First, the nurses and aids at the clinic were so incredibly nice!!  It helped the birth mother and I feel much more at peace.  The BM got a pap, blood work and measurements.  We were not able to get a sono but have appointment next Thursday at 9am.   

What I know/learned so far is, is the baby is measuring (by tape) about 35.5 weeks. We will get her blood work and other test back in a couple weeks. 

There a couple red flags which added to the stress of the day.  First, the BM was real hesitant to release her medical records.  Which caused me to worry that is she hiding something.  However, when it came time to get the test and request the records she was fine and on board. Red flag now back to yellow.

 Next, she mentioned her mom, who was once on board with adoption, has changed her mind.  This is concerning b/c her mother has custody of her other two boys.  I spoke with the agency about this and she is going to keep talking with her and remind her of why she made the decision in the first place. This is very normal and a risk with any adoption.

I really wish we could have had a sono today just to confirm the baby looks healthy....and know the sex but I can wait a week;)

Lastly, the BM, again was very sweet and I think pretty honest with me.

Thank you all for the support, text, calls, and prayers.  Please help me in continuing to pray for the baby to be healthy and the BM to stay strong in her decision.

love and hugs,

Amanda

Doctor Appointment Set!

The appointment yesterday was cancelled because of some silly reasons that just irritate me!  Basically, they wouldn't see her without any of her past medical records.  Sounds a little suspicious. Now, the birthmother is going to the doctor tomorrow at 9:30am....and I get to go too!
I am so excited yet worried.  I pray that little baby is healthy and coming soon!!

Nothing else really to write to about;)

Doctor's appointment- Maybe

I am so mad at my email.  It spammed the response from the agency....so I went days frustrated.
The birth mother has an appointment today at 11:15pm- assuming they were able to get her previous medical records in time.   Hoping I get to go but don't know yet.  Trying to be patient.....I am awful at being patient......

I will update when I know if she was able to get in:)

Just a little update

So, the update is there really is no update.  We are still waiting to get the birth mother to a doctor.  Since I do not have direct contact with her it has been challenging for me to gauge when and if she is planning on going. I just keep praying she will and that the baby is healthy!!  It is a very weird feeling in knowing you could get a baby any day but don't really know anything else......

Blessings:

1. Friends who have offered to help- A sweet friend offered some of her basically brand new baby essentials to us- a car seat, stroller, baby jogger. Another offered bottles and bassinet.  Another offered swing, stroller, etc.  It such a humbling feeling to have friends that are loving enough to help in any way.

2. Church family- my church family is so amazing. They helped us with our video and have prayed over us through this three year journey.  Most recently, at a friend's Christmas party, I discovered one of my friend's husband is an OB at Parkland.  Long story short, he sent me allllllll this great information to pass along to my agency and he and I even talked about getting the BM into see him.  If nothing else this has given me comfort and knowledge in a situation where I have no control.

Once something happens I will for sure update!!

Oh! and my brother is engaged!!! 2014 could be a really fun year full of babies (i hope) and weddings!!

Baby time

We had a very nice talk with the agency Monday and they said their goal is to get her to a doctor.  Which is really all we want.  We have been praying, thinking, and talking and until something changes are mind we are in!  So, this means we could be bringing home a baby girl in January. We are still not 100% sure of the due date but I am guessing it will be early-mid January. I am also not 100% certain it is a girl but we are about 90%.

I am super excited but very guarded.  I would love to say I am going to go out and start putting together a nursery or have a baby shower but history has shown me that maybe sitting back and waiting is the better path.  So, I will start getting necessities together, I have already copied some of my friends registry, keep praying for our little girl to be/stay healthy and then once we get her home plan a few sip & see's:)

Thank you all for your support and love! Please continue to pray for us, the baby and birth mother.

Met with a Birthmother

Okay soooo.  To bring everyone up to speed.  Monday of last week we got a call about a potential birth mother that was due any day and was looking for a family.  This was through another agency that our case worker connected us with.  We obviously were fine with her showing our profile and found out Tuesday night that she picked us!!  So, the next step was to meet:)  I had sooo many emotions on the way to meet her on Thursday that I had to pull over and let Brad drive- I thought I was going to have a panic attack.

Thursday ended up being a LONG AND EXHAUSTING DAY.  Brad and I started off having brunch with the birth mother ( BM) and the agency contact at 10am. During that time the BM said her upper stomach was hurting really bad.  So we convinced her to go to the ER..... 7.5 hours later I left.  That's a long time to hang out in hospital with someone you hardly know.  That time was valuable though.... We found out she's only 33wks along and the baby "looks" healthy.  The bad news.... She has had no prenatal care (not a shocker) and the biggest red flag is she starts talking to me about how much sex with different partners she is having.  (can you believe she just started talking about that- Awkward!!) .   Other than that awkwardness, she is very sweet and it was a very humbling experience for me to hang out with someone who has nothing....I mean she barely has food to eat and lives at a budget suite hotel.  I was also shocked by the way people with no insurance are treated.  It was just sad.  As far as the pain in her stomach, she is a very tiny person and it looks like the growth of her stomach has caused her to pull/ strain her abdomen wall.   I have had a friend that this happen to and from what she has said it is very painful.

We are nervous about so many things, mostly,  does she have any STDs (like HIV) the ER did not do any of those tests so we don't know.  Also, since her due date has changed the baby daddy might be someone different.  She doesn't want to go to the OB but we are pretty insistent.

I don't know what we will do.  We have a call today with the agency to discuss our concerns.  Meanwhile we will pray for some type of guidance....

Minor bump in the road

So, we got our 25 page activation agreement.  There were a few things I had forgotten as I read through it but one thing caused Brad and I to pause for week before deciding.  There is a clause in the agreement that states if we become pregnant we must notify the agency within one day and our account will be deactivated for one year!  Additionally, the activation agreement includes a payment of 4K which we will lose if we don't "obey" the agreement. WOW.  For someone that has miscarried at 8 weeks 4x this was disheartening.  We decided to  take a week, enjoy the holidays and pray about what our next steps should be.  Should we stop trying all together and just focus on adoption?  Should we do both and test our luck that my pregnancy will get past 8weeks?  Do we just wait to tell once I get past 8 weeks?  Should we put off adoption and try a little bit longer?   Even as I type this I am not sure which is the best decision.

Thanksgiving was yesterday and I briefly got to hang out with my cousins and their kids....they are all girls and just as sweet as can be but one of them was just the cutest thing ever!  She giggled and laugh so loud it filled my heart with joy and sadness at the same time. Holidays are hard...I don't want to buy adult gifts...I want to buy baby gifts.  I normally put my Christmas decorations up the weekend after Thanksgiving but I just don't feel it.....maybe next week;)

I hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving!

Print Profile Done...well almost

I am so excited that we are almost 100% live with our new agency.  We just received our print profile,

there are few typos we are letting them know to fix but overall I think it looks great!!

I attached a link but not sure if it will pull so I also took snap shots of it:)  I obviously cannot wait to share! 

Link

 

One of the many sad parts of infertility

Tuesday night I went to a Woman's Touch Dinner at our church.  The dinner is a great way to have fellowship with girlfriends and learn something new or get inspired from the speaker.  

However, it was also the fist time in a long time I felt like an outcast due to my infertility.  I was sitting at a table with friends from church but I quickly noticed that at that table of 10 I was one of 3 that works and the only one that is not a mom. Oh, there was a girl pregnant too. 

I slowly started realizing that I have nothing in common with these friends except church.  I had nothing to contribute to any of the conversations. Most of the talk was around potty training, husbands handling the kids, or just cute stuff their kids do.  I honestly don't mind hearing the stories because I do care about them but 30 + minutes of that talk was a lot for me to handle- especially when I had nothing to add.  Not to mention I started clomid this cycle so probably a bit emotional.  

I know I am not the only person that deals with this- I am sure single girls feel this way around their married friends or friends that have lost parents around people talking about their parents- but it still just stinks!  In the past, I would always pray for strength and give myself a little pep talk before I walked into a situation where I might feel sad or different.  I guess I have just been so busy here lately and able to talk about so many other things in my life that I had kind of forgotten that the conversations that night might only be about kids. 

Just a quick update on TTC (trying to conceive)- I did start clomid and gonal F shot this week. 

Just a quick update on adoption: Everything is in (except Brad's social security card which he is getting replaced this week). We ordered our video kit which should arrive next week.   I really wanted everything complete by October BUT I have instead decided I will be happy if it happens by end of the year:)  I dread doing the video.....oh well, ha!

Long Week

Well, November started off with a bang and turned into a very long week.  Last Friday November 1st as I was about to leave work I get a text from my case worker.  It basically said "...there is a birthmother giving birth next week and needs a family, interested?" So naturally my response was can we call you? ha!  Long story short, we sent our old profile from our previous agency for this mom to view.  She is currently working with a small agency here in Dallas.  Her previous selected adoptive parents backed out and she is very picky and didn't like anyone else she looked at so the agency reached out to our case worker to see if she knew of any familys that would be on board.

The expectations for this to work out were very low from the beginning but of course we couldn't help ourselves but to think how quickly our lives could be different.  Last we heard, she was planning on keeping the baby, so it looks like we will not get a baby this week BUT it did light a fire under us to get some things done!  All of a sudden I freaked out thinking how can I bring a little girl home to an ugly blue room. So, that is getting fixed this weekend- goodbye blue hello pretty neutral color perfect for a boy or a girl:) 

I will say, I am happy for all the times our book was looked at and I didn't know.  Knowing someone is looking at you as a prospective parent for their child is mind consuming. 

Wonder what will happen this Friday?  :)

November

As of November 1st, it will be 1 year since I have been pregnant.  Last year on Halloween I miscarried.  After spending most of 2012 pregnant it is hard to believe its been a year.  The pain and sadness have faded more more everyday as I have become stronger to try again. 

Mid November we will start trying again on our own- once my next cycle starts.  With low expectations that we will get pregnant or stay pregnant I need to keep trying especially since my ovarian reserve is so low. Praise God for given me strength to go through all of this again.

November 11th would have been my Parent's & Ben's dog Killian's 11th birthday.  He passed away last night after a great long life. 

November 13th will mark what would have been the birthday of my first.  It is crazy yet very sad to think had I not miscarried we would have a little 2 year old on our hands.  I can only imagine how different my life would be....

End of November, we will complete our video for adoption.  I am so excited that our profile should be live in just a few weeks.  I have a strong feeling it will happen fast;)  I mean I would totally take a baby before Christmas;) ha!

So.....here is to November!

Remembering

Over the last week I have had some spiritual thoughts and struggles causing some roadblocks in my prayers.  Most were brought to light by the infertility bible study I am doing.  Most of the struggle was just dealing with if God answers prayers.  There is a part of me that is fearful that as I pray my desire will change to not wanting a child of my own. But I was reminded that God shows mercy, there are miracles and His plan is always the better plan. While going through these roadblocks I just began praying that God would  keep my eyes and heart open to what His will is for me.  What is my purpose?  What should I be doing?  The million dollar questions, right?

So, then comes Sunday.  The topic was Being Together- The Power of Belonging.  I was reminded that everyone has God given talents and gifts and all are important no matter how small. 

Wouldn't you know, they even have a survey/quiz online that you can take to discover how you can be a meaningful part in the church.  Talk about a sermon that is speaking to me! Of course I took the quiz but still not sure what I am supposed to be doing, ha! But at least I am taking baby steps to find out. 

Lastly, yesterday was awareness day for pregnancy and infant loss. Remembering my four precious angels in Heaven. 

Home Study. Done.

Last night we had our home study.  I was kind of stressed before hand but it was soooo much more laid back than our first one.  I am guessing it is because we have had one before and I sent this lady our past one so she didn't really ask us to elaborate too much. Still, I set out cookies, chips, dips, and popcorn so our case worker would see what a great hostess I am .....because clearly a good hostess means a competent adoptive mother, ha!!

The interview lasted about 2 hours as she conducted a joint interview and then individual interviews.  She feels very confident that we will have a child very soon but I am not getting my hopes up- I feel like I have heard that many times before. Our case worker said she will have our home study written up and completed within 2 weeks.  That means that it is very possible our profile will be "up and running" in by the end of October!!  EEEKKK.

I am feeling really good right now and hope this peace and happiness sticks around.

Long Overdue

Today, thanks to a friend who invited me,  I joined an infertility support group/ bible study through a church here in Dallas.  This is probably way over due- I have felt so confused over the last few months on what I am supposed to do, hopefully by looking to the bible (which I should be doing anyways) will help me through this journey.

My church has a kind of "grassroots" one that I have been on the fence about going to for years. I think a little bit of pride was keeping me from going- even though I am so open on this blog about what I am going through something about being tied to an infertility group scared me.  Also a lot of my close friends at church were in it and I was scared about being the last one of the group to have a child.  It is so silly, I know!

One of those days

I hate days when baby stuff consumes my mind.  I guess it could be from all of the people around me that are pregnant or that the holidays are coming up.  I dread going through another Christmas without a child.  For 3 years I have said " well next year we will have a little one to buy gifts for"  and every year comes and we don't.  I really think it is the holidays that make it harder.  I find myself feeling envious towards those that have what I want. There are times I just want to cry and get it out or just be somewhere by myself  with no chance of any baby talk to come up.

Oh well, hopefully something else will come up and take my mind off this topic.  Until then I will fight back the tears and put a smile on my face, wah wah.

Reassurance

I always pray for guidance/ signs/ reassurance that I am doing what God wants me to do.

Friday we had a great talk with our new agency.  Long story short, once we get all of our paperwork complete, our profile could potentially be shown up to 30x a month!!!  Hearing the agency contact tell us that was such a reassurance that we are moving in the right direction. I would bet that our book with the last agency wasn't shown 30x in a year.  We still have a long ways to go on getting everything set up but if you know me you know I am a doer and like to get stuff done quickly!

Then Saturday at an amazing leadership retreat for Junior League the topic came up and there was only one out of 35 women there was adopted.....and she was my roommate and she is already such a blessing in my life.  Immediately, once I mentioned Brad and I were adopting and without me prompting any questions she told me her relationship, acceptance and journey of being adopted.  Her experience has been great- she told me that the mom that raised her is her mom and she doesn't even question or have any split feelings.  She also added me to her prayer list- a girl by at that point I had known less than 24 hrs.  Lastly, she gave me some great ideas for the video profile, etc.

I have been feeling some very strong feelings of peace and am grateful for all the prayers of support.

My favorite verse:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6

Next Steps

Today we met with our doctor. Basically, there is absolutely no medical reason why I should not be able to get pregnant. My doctor still sounded a little shocked that it didn't work.  She explained there are three factors that go into a failed IVF cycle.  1. Uterus- by all accounts everything they have tested shows that my uterus and lining is perfectly normal.  2. Transfer problems- sometimes during the process of actually transferring the embryos there can be problems.  During my transfer there were no problems.  3. Genetic problems- unfortunately science/medicine cannot check  for every possible genetic issue, from what has been tested my eggs have been fine.  Which means there is still a chance there is a genetic problem they just can't tell.

So in summary, there is really no reason why the IVF cycled failed or why I have had multiple miscarriages. 

As for our next steps and the doctors recommendation.  She still thinks I can get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy but who knows how long it will take.  I could keep doing IVF and spending tens of thousands of dollars or try on our own again and she would help with medication and timing.

I am not sure what we will do. I lean towards trying again on our own for a while.  The scary part of that is I know I can get pregnant......I just fear having another miscarriage. 

While we are not 100% sure if we will try again on our own or by IVF we have decided to proceed with the new adoption agency.  We have a call with the agency Friday,  I will update on that after we talk.  

Finally, this songs speaks to me and just everything I have been through and some how gives me strength to just keep going.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming

For the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Having a Glass of Wine

Well, disappointment, sadness and confusion are back.  This morning I cheated and took an early pregnancy test and it showed negative. Starting yesterday I had the strong feeling that I was not pregnant so I at 6:15am this morning I went to Albertsons and bought a test.  When it showed negative I was heart broken and knew it was correct. I still went in for blood work and searched thousands of fertility forums trying to hold on to a tiny bit of hope.  But the nurse called me this afternoon and confirmed that I was in fact not pregnant.

I am having so many different emotions.  I am questioning and possibly even having a hard time understanding what's God's plan for me.....does it really involve me not having a child of my own? I pray every night God would bless me with a child.

I feel like a failure as a wife-Brad has super sperm but I can't get/stay pregnant.

I am mad at myself for putting myself through this again and feeling the pain and sadness all over again.  The only comfort I have is knowing that I least its not as painful as  a miscarriage but still hurts.

I am not sure what our next steps will be.  I know based on my AMH levels if we want a child of our own we have to keep trying now but financially I don't know how much we can do....my insurance ended up not covering any of the meds, testing or lab work so we paid all out of pocket. 

For now, I am going to sit back and have a HUGE glass of wine;) 

Thanks to everyone that has been praying for us.  Having support through this is probably what made it seem so easy.

LOVE AND HUGS!!

Amanda

Bruising

So bruising has officially taken over.  Since I am on blood thinners what would be a little bruise turns into a huge one.  Right now  I have a golf size bruise on my right butt cheek and half- dollar size on my left but the worst is on my stomach.  Both have started hurting as well- in fact sometimes at night when I roll over the pain wakes me up.  Also, since starting all of this I have gained weight-most of it due to the medications and not being to do more than walk 30mins as a work out.  So, with gaining weight my pants are little bit tighter.  Yesterday I wore a pair of pants to church that were a little snug in the waist.....bad idea!  the pressure from the pants on an already bruised area turned the lower half of my stomach into one HUGE bruise probably about the size of a large avocado PLUS there are dark lines throughout.  It is soooo gross looking but at least the stomach bruise doesn't hurt.

I only have 3 more days of the progesterone shot in the booty then if I get a positive pregnancy test I can switch to another form of progesterone.  "Lord help me to be patient and strong"

As far as symptoms, I have not felt anything.  Maybe a few twinges or throbbing in my stomach  but nothing big.  At least, besides the bruising I am feeling pretty normal.  And I know in the end it will be worth it.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5: 1-5

Transfer Complete

Everything went really well yesterday.  They implanted 2 embryos hopefully at least one sticks!!

I have been laying around for almost 24hrs- only getting up to grab food and use the restroom.

I will have take it easy the next week and half until my pregnancy test on Thursday Aug 22nd.  Hopefully, I can stay calm during this wait period and not stress to much!! I just pray those little ones have found a nice home and continue to grow grow grow:)

Thanks again for all of the love, support, prayers!!! This has been a pretty crazy journey....and hopefully it has just begun:)

Transfer Set and Update on Shots

First off, my retrieval went very very well.  I have felt great with little discomfort!

After the retrieval, the embryologist plans on calling you with an update on Day 1, Day 3 then if needed Day 5.  Day 1, Friday I received a call saying that all five of my embryos fertilized- which was such a good feeling.  As a reminder, I didn't have a high number of folicles, especially compared to other women my age.

They told me that based on my history, they were actually going to do a day 2 look and evaluate if I would go in for a Day 3 or Day 5 transfer. So, Saturday as I was awaiting their call when........ my cell phone stopped working...I was such a wreck but luckily I was able to access my voice mail through Brad's phone and got their message that I had 3 graded excellent and 2 graded good so my retrieval would definitely be on Tuesday.  Then yesterday they called again with my Day 3 update and the new update on my embryos were 2 excellent, 2 good, and 1 average.

Friday, I also started a shot of Lovenox (blood thinner) in my stomach 1x per day, 1 baby aspirin, and a shot of progesterone....administered by Brad in my upper butt.   Surprisingly, the shot Brad is giving me hasn't been that bad and Brad has been great with the exception of being silly right before he gives it to me "threatening" to hurt me if I back talk, ha ha ha.  At least it keeps the mood light hearted.  The Lovenox, as expected, is awful!  It burns going in but it's not unbearable.

My transfer is tomorrow (Tuesday) at 12:15pm.  I pray this works- that my body is receptive and strong.  I know the road ahead is still going to be hard.  Assuming it works, I hope that by being on progesterone and blood thinners early will help with implantation and help me carry the baby full term.

Lastly, I am so grateful for all of the love and prayers of my family and friends.  I am confident this is the reason I have been relatively stress free and again feeling really good.

Update- Retrieval Tomorrow

Sorry for not updating sooner.  I went in yesterday for a sono and everything looked good to proceed to retrieval.  Retrieval is tomorrow morning so prayers are welcomed!!  I listed the details from the sono below.  I will know tomorrow how many they were actually able to retrieve and Saturday will find out when the transfer day will be. 

Details from Sono:

8 Follicles

4 Mature

Next Steps:

Retrieval- Thursday at 7:30am

Implantation - TBD

        - Day 3 = Sunday

        - Day 5 = Tuesday

 Friday- I will start baby aspirin, lovanox shot, and progesterone shot

Now, the progesterone shot will be administered by Brad in the butt at the same time every night.  If you all would like to watch this video of what he will have to do to me see the link below.  For 2 weeks he will be stabbing me in the butt.  God bring me strength!

http://www.freedommedteach.com/player/Videos.aspx  (progesterone link)

In other news, I took the HCG (trigger) shot last night.  Oh if there could have been a camera watching me. I was so determined to get every last bit of the medication out of the vial that it took me forever....then once I finally got all of it I spilled a bit.  Oh and to top it off I ended up with a big knot and bruise from the shot- AHHHH!!!  I went almost 2 weeks with very little bruising or bumps then the last day I injure myself.  Typical. 

Thank you all so much for the continued prayers and support.  It is all in God's hands and I just hope He blesses us with a baby:)

Day 6- Sono and blood work

Today I went in for my first sono to see how many follicles I have.  I was really hoping for more than 10 but ended up having 7- which isn't great but isn't awful either.  I have been told and read a thousand times it is not about quantity it is about quality!  I hope I have super quality eggs:)  I go back Sunday, Monday and possibly Tuesday for follow up sono's and bloodwork.  I am hoping a few more pop up but regardless I have to stay positive!! IT ONLY TAKES 1 :)

So now I am just praying there is at least one strong egg in those 7 little follicles!

Shots Update

Last Thursday I started Lupron 2x a day then Saturday added Menopur and Gonal F pen- so I am taking 2 shots in the morning and 2 at night. The shots have to be at the same time everyday and preferably 12 hours apart.  So, I decided that 6:30am/pm would work best- it gives me enough time to hit snooze once or twice in the morning and I am easily able to be home by 6:30pm.  Overall, the schedule has worked pretty well I was really mad about waking up at 6ish Saturday morning...in fact I am pretty sure I was half way asleep since I thought I messed up on mixing some of the meds and ended up throwing out a full dosage...this is probably what led me to having a slight cry session that morning. Oh! and I was planning on going to the Ranger game but then I found out they changed the start time to 6:05....I guess it's for the better since they are playing awful right now, ha! 

Back to the shots, they really are not that bad. In fact, I can hardly feel anything when I am inserting the needle.  This has been a HUGE relief; the lovenox shot I took during my last pregnancy and will end up taking again is a bigger needle and the medication stings going in so needless to say it makes the shots I am taking now seem like a piece of cake!  Now, I will say I am feeling/noticing some side effects.  I am a little more on edge.....meaning people are really getting on my nerves quickly, ha!  So here is your warning if I am short I am sorry.  Next, after I take the Gonal F I feel really loopy- like I just downed a glass of wine but it only last about 20 minutes then I am fine. In fact, it might be calming me a little bit b/c I have been pretty mellow the last two nights.  Finally, I am noticing some bloating nothing too crazy but a little bit; I hear it can get pretty intense so I have saved all of my sun dresses for this week:)

Tomorrow I go to the doctor for blood work so I will update you once I hear back on that! 

A Letter to Friends and Family

Dear Family & Friends

Today starts a new chapter in my journey to have a baby/family.  I took my first shot of stimulating drugs for the IVF process and it actually wasn’t that bad! I didn’t really even feel it- I hope all of them are like this (wishful thinking).

As you know this has been a long road for Brad and me and I know that thanks to everyone’s love, support, prayers, being there to listen, and of course God’s grace we were able to have the courage to try again.  Brad and I are super excited and feel really good about this time.   I totally believe in the power prayer- it is truly through Him that  has brought me peace and strength I never knew existed over the last 2.5 years.  I hate to even ask this ( since everyone has already been so supportive) but if you could over the next few weeks please keep us in your prayers.  I will be praying for peace (try my hardest not to stress) , strength (emotionally and physically), guidance, and of course that this works so we can finally have a family….

"And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Matthew 21:22

I sent this as a personal/FB message to some of you. Even though FB is the most personal I just wanted to at least try;)

Love you all!

Amanda

The Lord will guide you always

Brad and I volunteer in the 3 year olds class at church every other Sunday; it has been such a fun and somewhat eye opening experience.   I mean I have been reminding that "everybody poops", some kids REALLY do not like being dropped off, and what a blessing children are. I am so happy we did it.  

Every week we teach the lady over the department sends out our lesson plans and words of encouragement.  This week she sent in regards to her own career change she is making but I found it fitting for my life as well.  It's such an amazing feeling to feel the Lord speaking to me through other people......I think if everyone opens their heart up to the Lord and ask for guidance, peace, strength- things I have been praying about lately- he will respond.

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and He will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail... and you will be called "Repairer of Broken Walls"." Isaiah 58:11,12