I wonder how long I can keep avoiding baby stuff. People around me are still getting pregnant, posting pictures of their new babies, and talking about the holidays. I want to avoid any topic that involves me getting upset. Sounds doable, right? I am truly happy for everyone else but just sad for me. I am trying to live in a little bubble- I am hiding anyone that has recently become pregnant or had a baby from Facebook, getting in out of church quickly so I don't have to notice all the happy families and trying to plan as many vacations as I can. Good thing I work for a travel company:)
Normally, I LOVE the holidays but I think this year its just getting me down. Thanksgiving is already different since the passing of both of my grandparents this year and I am sure Christmas will change too.
I just hate feeling sad. I am normally such a happy person that sad just doesn't look good on me. I can't imagine smiling for a picture because it would be such a fake smile. I really want to avoid a breakdown if at all possible but I am starting to think what really needs to happen is a big breakdown full of screaming and crying. I am sure it will happen sooner than later but I am just not ready to breakdown. I am ready to start doing things that make me feel better, like working out and shopping:) Maybe if I can hurry up and start doing those things than I won't have a breakdown.
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