I have been somewhat absorbed with fertility stuff this month that I haven't really posted on the adoption stuff ( as i type this I take a big SIGGGHHHHH). A few weeks ago I received an email from the lady that did our home study; she had not completed the paperwork and need more information. Well today I received the final copy of the home study, summarizing our meeting and giving us her "blessing" to move forward in the adoption process. She is a very sweet and wonderful lady and a lot of the reason the paperwork was not completed was because Brad and I had forgotten to turn in some medical records. As part of the application we both needed to show we don't have TB, HIV or are druggies. I can only imagine the looks that were going on behind my back when I was clarifying to the front desk that I need to have these test included in my physical. Thank God I am not easily embarrassed by stuff like this!
This has kind of been a weird process. The typical process for our adoption agency is :
1. go to seminar
2.Submit Application - this is not a one page document but more like a text book of pages
3. Intake interview with agency. This was a pretty intense interview about our faith and marriage.
4. Get accepted - and fill out more paperwork!
5. Have Home Study completed- this is another interview where they also check your home to make sure it is safe
6. complete Life book and turn in
7. Attend quarterly support meetings
8. Trust in God
well our steps went more like:
8,1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 5, and we haven't done 7 yet.
I mention all this because it was frustrating to think they rushed us to get our book in (which hindsight I am okay with) and then to think they may not have showing the book as often b/c the case worker never turned in our paperwork.
Even though I am excited about trying to get pregnant again I am excited in a very different almost stronger way about getting a call that we have a match.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
It all starts in October and I don't mean post season baseball!
Yep! there is another twist in my story. I hesitate to even mention that I have another plan because I am starting to think that every time I have a plan God just laughs and before I know it the plan has changed.
I was supposed to have a PCT test done this week but I have decided to put it off. I got a weird feeling, a gut feeling that caused me to rethink my plan in working with this particular RE. I think a part of it had to do with cost. His office does not process insurance so we were having to pay everything upfront then I process the paperwork. When he decided he wanted me to do a PCT that would cost me over $500 it made me realize that every sono and follow up would cost me around $400. For the record, insurance companies are NOT the quickest about paying you back! Not too mention, at our last appointment he talked slow and a little above my head. To be honest the meeting was not enough about me- I mean if I am going to talk to you for over a hour then I better have a good idea of what is in store for me. Instead, I had to email the nurse the next day to get clarification on the next steps. The only thing I could remember from our appointment was a story about New York and horse pooper scoopers back in the pre car era. If you really want to know the story I can tell you:)
Once this "feeling" started I decided to get a second opinion from a previous RE I worked with- I figure another opinion can never hurt. I met with her on Tuesday and she said pretty much the same thing- I would take a baby aspirin and do blood thinner injections. The only difference is she would have me take clomid to help get a strong follicle. We only met for about 30 minutes but I got more out of that 30 minutes than I did the 1.5 hours I was with the other doctor. She talked all about me and what she sees as the best plan and why.
So, our TTC will begin in October. I am actually relieved that it is not this month. I guess that might sound weird, but after almost 2 years of trying what's another month:) It actually is a good month to be stress free, it is Brad and mine's birthday month, I am back into a good workout routine ( i recently ran a PR 10K), and work is going great so I guess I want to enjoy it a bit longer. I guess that means October will bring playoff baseball stress and the stress of TTC..... Cheers to September fun!
I was supposed to have a PCT test done this week but I have decided to put it off. I got a weird feeling, a gut feeling that caused me to rethink my plan in working with this particular RE. I think a part of it had to do with cost. His office does not process insurance so we were having to pay everything upfront then I process the paperwork. When he decided he wanted me to do a PCT that would cost me over $500 it made me realize that every sono and follow up would cost me around $400. For the record, insurance companies are NOT the quickest about paying you back! Not too mention, at our last appointment he talked slow and a little above my head. To be honest the meeting was not enough about me- I mean if I am going to talk to you for over a hour then I better have a good idea of what is in store for me. Instead, I had to email the nurse the next day to get clarification on the next steps. The only thing I could remember from our appointment was a story about New York and horse pooper scoopers back in the pre car era. If you really want to know the story I can tell you:)
Once this "feeling" started I decided to get a second opinion from a previous RE I worked with- I figure another opinion can never hurt. I met with her on Tuesday and she said pretty much the same thing- I would take a baby aspirin and do blood thinner injections. The only difference is she would have me take clomid to help get a strong follicle. We only met for about 30 minutes but I got more out of that 30 minutes than I did the 1.5 hours I was with the other doctor. She talked all about me and what she sees as the best plan and why.
So, our TTC will begin in October. I am actually relieved that it is not this month. I guess that might sound weird, but after almost 2 years of trying what's another month:) It actually is a good month to be stress free, it is Brad and mine's birthday month, I am back into a good workout routine ( i recently ran a PR 10K), and work is going great so I guess I want to enjoy it a bit longer. I guess that means October will bring playoff baseball stress and the stress of TTC..... Cheers to September fun!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Baby Making Time
I am a bullet point type person so here is short version. We will try to conceive without chlomid (at least for now) then once (staying positive) I conceive I will begin taking 1 baby aspirin 1x a day and heparin injection 2x a day for 38 weeks. The injections will be the hardest part, they are self administrated into the stomach- YUCK! This first go-round I will need to go in for a post coital exam (PCT) to ensure the sperm is able to get through then once that happens I will begin with progesterone gel and blood thinners.
The doctor advised the usually, no caffeine or alcohol which I am fine with, but when I asked about exercising he said only walking is allowed the first trimester. I have finally gotten back into groove of working out so this really bummed me out but it is not forever so I can deal with it.
So it looks like we have the green light and are set to start trying in the next few weeks. This is Brad and mine's birthday month and so far bday month is starting off pretty well.... Hope it keeps getting better!
The doctor advised the usually, no caffeine or alcohol which I am fine with, but when I asked about exercising he said only walking is allowed the first trimester. I have finally gotten back into groove of working out so this really bummed me out but it is not forever so I can deal with it.
So it looks like we have the green light and are set to start trying in the next few weeks. This is Brad and mine's birthday month and so far bday month is starting off pretty well.... Hope it keeps getting better!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Patience
This perfectly timed poem was sent from my dear friend Kelly. It is from a friend of hers that also blogs. Late yesterday afternoon I received an email from our adoption agency's case worker, she had not finished our home study that was conducted in early June and need additional information. She asked me a few follow up questions but all I could think was why has this been put off 2 months?? Then today, I received a call from my RE's nurse and she said I need more blood work. When all you want is to have a baby, even the smallest hurdles can seem so big sometimes. I don't want anything delayed....I have a plan in mind. I should really stop planning, ha!!
God does speak...just sometimes through other people. THANKS KELLY!
♥ WAIT ♥
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
©Russell Kelfer. All rights reserved.
God does speak...just sometimes through other people. THANKS KELLY!
♥ WAIT ♥
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
©Russell Kelfer. All rights reserved.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Diagnosis
I finally received my blood work results. The good news is most of it came back normal- I do not have lupus or some serious thyroid problem but the one test that was not normal was the anti-phospholipid. I am not 100% sure what all that means but from what I can find on Google it is an auto immune disorder that causes blood clotting. The odd thing I was told I was tested for blood clotting after my 2nd miscarriage, but maybe there are many things that can cause blood clotting- who knows?!? The nurse I spoke with today did confirm that having this disorder can cause miscarriages. I have an appointment next week with the doctor to go over the results and develop a plan to get me a baby :)
Good website on my diagnosis that it explains it better than I can:
On the adoption front, we are still waiting/praying for the call.
Good website on my diagnosis that it explains it better than I can:
On the adoption front, we are still waiting/praying for the call.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
August 30th 2012
Today would have been the birth day of my 2nd baby. Ironically, instead of giving birth I will find out if I can or should get pregnant again. Oddly enough I am not as depressed as I thought I would be. Instead I am anxious for the letter to arrive from my doctor- via snail mail he is very old school- and keep running through a thousand scenarios in my head of what he will say. I have accepted that my pregnancy story will never be a short, easy and wonderful one but it will be my story and once we have a little one around I am sure all the pain I have been through the last 2 years will be worth it.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Feeling like myself again
I am on my 2nd week of a detox. This detox is pretty simple, basically you just can't eat breads, sugars, dairy, and nuts. You drink a shake in the morning that helps "cleanse" your system and by doing all of this your hormone levels get back on track, you feel better, and look better. I have done this detox many times but honestly I cheat on it sometimes. I figure a glass of wine now and then doesn't hurt....wine comes from grapes, right? HA! Ironically, I did this detox before two of my pregnancies- is that one of the things that help me get pregnant? Who knows!?! It is just another piece in my infertility story. When I am pregnant I am worried if I work out too hard I will overheat and hurt the baby and while I am not pregnant I am working out, dieting, and stressing about my weight, meanwhile mad at myself for wasting months out of the gym for what ended up being nothing..... I have never been one of those people that could eat anything they wanted- I used to get so irritated that a certain best friend of mine could eat anything she wanted and lose weight while if I ate the same I would gain 5lbs immediately. Everybody is different and every BODY is different- that is so much more true to me now.
This time I am sticking to the detox pretty hard core and I have noticed I am beginning to look a little thinner, feel better and have more energy. It is really amazing how much better I feel when I don't eat processed foods....even though I love them so! Cookies, ice cream, bread- yum!! I finally decided to read a book Brad has had for a long time The Paleo Solution. I have only read the first few chapters so far but already I am in shock and feel like he is talking about parts of my life. I had my gallbladder removed and I am being tested for immune system disorders- the same problems he discusses. I feel like that commercial with the donuts and soccer practice is so true- you are what you eat. If I eat a whole bunch of chemically altered food- basically poisoned food- then I should not be surprised my body is being affected by it and reacting. Would I drink poison? Obviously no, so why do I do eat food that contains poison- oh yeah because it taste so good. I am not saying I will never eat bread, cookies or cheese again but it sure will make we think twice before taking a bite!
I am really starting to feel like myself again. I don't know if it is the detox, just the fact that time has passed since my miscarriages and grandma's funeral, or the fact that I have actually gone a month without anything serious happening but it feels so good! I am happier and don't feel like just sleeping all the time. I am at a place right now where I almost dread starting the "TTC" process again and even more dread finding out my results from my blood work. Will my world get rocked again by being told the results? Will nothing be wrong and therefore I am just back where I was 9 months ago? When I am trying to get pregnant or when I am pregnant I tend to be an emotional and obsessive basket case- I hate it- so I guess avoiding the process has been in a way, good for me. But, there will be no more avoiding after this week, I am just praying that the blood work shows minor- fixable- problems. I know God has a plan.....I just kind of wish I knew what it was:)
Detox information: 21 day Body Makeover
This time I am sticking to the detox pretty hard core and I have noticed I am beginning to look a little thinner, feel better and have more energy. It is really amazing how much better I feel when I don't eat processed foods....even though I love them so! Cookies, ice cream, bread- yum!! I finally decided to read a book Brad has had for a long time The Paleo Solution. I have only read the first few chapters so far but already I am in shock and feel like he is talking about parts of my life. I had my gallbladder removed and I am being tested for immune system disorders- the same problems he discusses. I feel like that commercial with the donuts and soccer practice is so true- you are what you eat. If I eat a whole bunch of chemically altered food- basically poisoned food- then I should not be surprised my body is being affected by it and reacting. Would I drink poison? Obviously no, so why do I do eat food that contains poison- oh yeah because it taste so good. I am not saying I will never eat bread, cookies or cheese again but it sure will make we think twice before taking a bite!
I am really starting to feel like myself again. I don't know if it is the detox, just the fact that time has passed since my miscarriages and grandma's funeral, or the fact that I have actually gone a month without anything serious happening but it feels so good! I am happier and don't feel like just sleeping all the time. I am at a place right now where I almost dread starting the "TTC" process again and even more dread finding out my results from my blood work. Will my world get rocked again by being told the results? Will nothing be wrong and therefore I am just back where I was 9 months ago? When I am trying to get pregnant or when I am pregnant I tend to be an emotional and obsessive basket case- I hate it- so I guess avoiding the process has been in a way, good for me. But, there will be no more avoiding after this week, I am just praying that the blood work shows minor- fixable- problems. I know God has a plan.....I just kind of wish I knew what it was:)
Detox information: 21 day Body Makeover
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